Jack Kornfield – Making Difficulties Into The Path

Turning Straw Into Gold – from A Path With Heart

“To undertake a genuine spiritual path is not to avoid difficulties
but to learn the art of making mistakes wakefully,
to bring to them the transformative power of our heart.”

Sheep at Abbotsbury - great view of Chesil Beach.

Sheep at Abbotsbury – great view of Chesil Beach.

I’ve been going through my journal from my counselling course this week to write a summary of it and I came across some quotes from Jack Kornfield’s book A Path With Heart that a friend lent me in December last year. I love this book and had to buy my own copy to keep. The things I wrote then are always pertinent but it was great to have a reminder and it helped me to see how I’ve been able to achieve this at times since then.

JK talks about how every life will have its difficulties: that is just part of life – like change, it’s unavoidable. But these difficulties can be the source of stress and resistance or the source of our awakening, deepening wisdom, patience and compassion. “The basic principle of spiritual life is that our problems become the very place to discover wisdom and love”.

He quotes Benjamin Franklin: “Our limited perspective, our hopes and fears become our measure of life, and when circumstances don’t fit our  ideas, they become our difficulties”.

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So it’s about observing how we approach difficulties – do we try and avoid them and get to a place that feels safe or do we look at them and learn from them, be compassionate to ourselves and learn from our mistakes? Thereby transforming our relationship to our difficulties.

“Tibetan Buddhist tradition instructs all beginning students in Making Difficulties into the Path. ie consciously taking our unwanted sufferings, the sorrow of our life…and using them as a ground for the nourishment of our patience and compassion, the place to develop greater freedom and our true Buddha nature. Difficulties are considered of such great value that a Tibetan prayer recited before practice actually asks for them:

“Grant that I may be given appropriate difficulties and sufferings on this journey so that my heart may be truly awakened and my practice of liberation and universal compassion may be truly fulfilled.”

“When our body is sick, instead of fighting the disease we can listen to the information it tells us and use it to heal…When we have difficulty with some aspect of our partner/friend we might inquire how we treat that part in ourselves. Difficulties or weaknesses often lead us to the very thing we need to learn.” I have really seen this with my own health struggles: by trying to get well and suppress what was going on, it got worse. By really looking at my emotions and seeing where I was stuck in old, unhelpful patterns, I’ve been able to heal. Our minds and bodies are so much more sophisticated than we will ever really know. Maybe by looking at our patterns we can start to understand what they are trying to tell us?

JK talks of how we need to look at the things we struggle with: for example being busy all the time. What is the reason for this? What are we avoiding? Perhaps it’s a fear of quiet and looking at oneself; taking time to do this will open up new learning and help us see our old unhelpful habits.

“The place where we can most directly open to the mystery of life is in what we don’t do well, in the place of our struggles and vulnerability. When we let ourselves become vulnerable, new things can be born in us.”


Gestalt theory of polarities

Opposites/Polarities

Hi, I’ve just finished my counselling course, apart from a few bits of written work to hand in, so I now have time to write on my blog again! It’s been a long time. I wanted to share something I read in one of my Gestalt counselling books – I love Gestalt as it fits in so well with what I do in yoga and meditation – it’s all about being aware in the moment of what we are doing – how we are breathing, speaking, moving, what images are in our head and where our energy is stuck. By looking at these we can learn to change our unhelpful patterns.

I’ve just finished a book by Joseph Zinker, written in 1978, about Gestalt. He has some interesting things to say about polarities. He says:

My theory of polarities dictates that if I do not allow myself to be unkind, I will never be genuinely kind. If I am in touch with my own unkindness and stretch that part of myself, when my kindness emerges it will be richer, fuller, more complete.

He also talks about it in the context of creating art: to stop putting pressure on yourself to make a perfect piece of art, give yourself permission to do the opposite and make something ugly, do it freely or do it badly. We all feel under too much pressure to say the perfect thing, be the perfect person, only create beautiful things. What a relief it would be to let ourselves do the opposite. And then out of that opposite you might create something beautiful.

Tulips in my garden - spring!

Tulips in my garden – spring!

Fritz Perls also talks about opposites in Excitement and Growth in the Human Personality – he suggests you turn all of your normal thinking on its head. If for example you always want people to like you, imagine wanting the opposite – how would that feel? Sometimes just challenging our usual thoughts allows us to totally change our perspective. It’s simple but so effective.

Aah – this is my new favourite yin yoga posture – so lovely. Try it with a brick under your shoulder blades.

Have a great week!

Bronchial mudra – for asthma and inner strength

Bronchial mudra

I love mudras, as anyone who comes to my yoga class will know! These, put simply, are the hand gestures used in yoga and meditation. They can be used to focus the mind while meditating (most people are familiar with chin mudra, most often seen in people meditating – index finger and thumb touching, other 3 fingers straight – see pic below.)

chin mudra

The mudras work on similar pressure points to those found in the feet in reflexology. They can stimulate physical parts of the body, but also stimulate emotional/mental states. You usually have a visualisation and affirmation linked to the mudra.

Last night in class we did the bronchial mudra.

Both hands as above, little finger at base of thumb, ring finger on first joint, middle finger pressing pad of thumb, index finger straight. Do this for 5 minutes 5 times a day. In an acute attack of asthma, use this for 4-6 minutes, then the asthma mudra (can be found on line too).

Interestingly my book says people with respiratory problems often suffer from loneliness and isolation – too much detachment from the outer world or find it difficult to set boundaries. They find themselves plagued by other people’s duties and problems. This leads to stress so these poeple are pressed for time and out of breath. A general physical weakness is caused by this shallow breathing. When strength is reduced, weakness occurs on the mental-emotional level as well as the physical level.

Do any yoga breathing exercise to strengthen the lungs.

Visualisation

Do this while holding the mudra:
Direct your awareness to your pelvic floor.
Inhaling, count to 7 and take your awareness from your pelvic floor slowly to the crown of the head (you may visualise the chakras as you do so, if you wish
Hold your breath for 5 seconds at the top of the inhalation.
Exhaling, take your awareness back down the body, counting from 7 to 1. Pause before breathing in again.
The pauses are very important after each inhalation/exhalation.

Affirmation

Every breath gives me strength. It strengthens my body, mind and soul.

 

Enjoy and let me know if it helps!

 

(Thanks to Girtrud Hirschi and her amazing book of mudras!)

 

Meditation on Kindness

Kindness

Following on from the end of my last post where I reminded about attempting to be kind in thought, word and deed all week, I thought I’d post a meditation on kindness today. It’s really simple and can be adapted to whatever quality you want to encourage into your life now.

The Meditation

Sit comfortably, cross legged, kneeling or on a chair, as long as you are comfortable. Place your left hand on your heart and your right hand just below your belly button. Women can place their hand on their womb. Take some deep breaths, focusing your breath into your heart and womb/abdomen/hara. This brings the focus into the body and down from the mind. You may find that you become aware of how you feel emotionally. Sit with any emotions that come up – don’t suppress them, allow them to be there. You may find you want to cry – that’s fine, acknowledge the emotion and let it go. Don’t suppress it. You may also feel a warm sense of love. Whatever it is, embrace it don’t suppress it.

Visualisation of kindness

When you are ready, start to visualise kindness flowing into your heart. (If you wish, you can visualise it flowing from God, Mother Earth, The Universal Energy, whatever works for you.) Or just focus on kindness itself. You can imagine it any way you wish, or just imagine a sense of warmth. Stay with any emotions that arise. If your thoughts wander, gently bring your awareness back to the sense of kindness. Continue for as long as you feel comfortable.

This may be enough for you. If you are doing this meditation for the first time maybe leave it here. However, you could also have a sense of sending the kindness out from you. Imagine it flowing out into the world/universe every time you exhale. Or you may wish to send it out to particular people – friends, relatives, anyone you think might benefit from it. If you are ready, you could also send kindness to people that you are having difficulties with. (This is very much like the Buddhist Metta Bhavana meditation). But this might be difficult if you are new to meditating and it might be kinder to yourself (!) to just bring kindness to your own heart for now. As we all know, you can’t love anyone else until you really love yourself. In the same way you can’t really genuinely send kindness out without being able to be kind to yourself first.

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My own practice

Personally, I incorporate this into my daily meditation. I have a timer app on my phone which divides 20 minutes into 5 minute segments. One of these segments is always this meditation.

Choose love not fear

Fear

This post follows a theme in a previous post about finding answers amidst our darkest fears rather than in the light, ie being courageous and going into the darkness in order to discover who we really are. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler address this theme in Life Lessons. “Our fears don’t stop death, they stop life”. More than we even know, our lives are devoted to dealing with fear and its effects. Most of what we fear will never happen, but insurance companies, the media, the news, all put us in a state where we are so afraid of dying that we don’t live. EKR and DK assert that what really lies beneath all fear is a fear of dying, if you peel the layers away.

Rejection

Ironically, when people are on the point of death they realise how much their fear has stopped them doing what they really wanted to do. Then it’s often too late to accomplish long dreamed-of adventures, but it’s never too late to tell people you love them. A lot of fear is around rejection and not being loved. Often it’s easier not to try rather than to be rejected or deal with the feelings underneath. “If we did the things we’re longing to do, we would still be old and ill one day but we would not be filled with regrets.”

The Choice Between Fear and Love

“At the core, there are only 2 emotions: Fear and Love. You cannot have both at the same time. So if you live in love, you will not be fearful. We must continually choose love in order to nourish our souls and drive away fear. All of our invented fears involve either the past or the future. Only love is in the present. Now is the only real moment we have and love is the only real emotion because it’s the only one in the present moment. Fear is always based on something that happened in the past and causes us to be afraid of something we think may happen in the future. To live in the present then is to live in love. We can work towards that goal by learning to love ourselves.”

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That’s all easily said, but I know from my own experience it’s not so easy to do. However, I often return to what I wrote in my earlier post quoting Jack Kornfield’s exercise about spending a week being kind in thought, speech and action to everyone. Kindness is a good starting point if the idea of loving everyone is a bit beyond you right now! Have a great week!

Live life to the fullest

Life Lessons

Like a lot of what I’m reading, “Life Lessons” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler is about finding our true potential now, rather than realising on our death bed that we wish we’d done things differently. Something I read recently asked the question, “If you were dying, what would you wish you’d done more or less of?” It made me stop and think – actually, when you take away all the material things, the important thing is that you’ve shown love to people. Whether that is your family or friends, or strangers through voluntary work. Having an open heart. We will never wish we’d worked harder, or had more cars when we’re dying.

Lessons for now

So “Life Lessons” teaches us to think about this now: rather than wait until it’s too late to do anything about it. What is your passion? What would you really like to do if money/time/what people think was no issue? How much of what you do is because you think you ought to do it, or because you think your loved ones want you to do it?
“Once in a while give in to an urge you would usually suppress, try doing something “odd” or new.
By not doing the things that feed your soul, you are becoming someone who is squashed and won’t find their true potential. Life Lessons asks the questions:

“Ask yourself what you would do if no-one was looking?”
If you could do anything without consequences, what would it be?

EKR says your answer reveals a lot about who you are, or at least what is in your way. It may point to a negative belief or a lesson to work on before you can discover your essence.

“If you say you would steal, you probably fear that you do not have enough. If you say you would love someone who you are not loving now, you may fear love.”

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Next steps in finding your soul work

Maybe for you, starting to do the voluntary work you’ve always meant to do is one thing to initiate that will make you feel better – it will also make the world a whole lot better. Maybe ask yourself the question with things you choose to do now, “Will I be happy I did this when I’m dying?” I know myself that I would much rather look back and be able to say that I’d helped lots of people in my life than that I lived a very safe, boring life without much contact with society at large. Having been housebound has made me see how small our lives can become through illness and age and how much we need other people. So now I plan to give something back – I’ve volunteered to befriend a local elderly person through Linkage. I also plan to change my job when I am able to and do something which gives more back to my community. So watch this space! Let me know if you have any ideas.

And on that note, I’ve just seen this on Facebook

(Thanks to “Life Lessons” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler for the quotes in green.)

 

Finding healing in the darkness

There are so many words of wisdom in Bernie Siegel’s books about self healing, and finding hope and love in your darkest moments. Something I read recently by him seems particularly apt to me today. I am learning in my healing process how, understandably, I avoid looking at my darkest emotions. As I’ve realised, we can avoid them, but they don’t go away – they lurk and cause all sorts of difficulties in our lives and relationships. So in order to heal them, we need to go into the darkness and face them. I’ve avoided this for so long, hoping to heal myself with the least amount of pain. Now I am learning to embrace the pain and seeing that the fear of the pain is worse than actually facing it! I’ll come back to this theme in more detail in future. For now, here’s Bernie Siegel (in relation to the cancer patients he treats):

“The mind can cure cancer, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy. The paradox is wonderfully expressed by an old Sufi story.

A stranger comes upon a man on his hands and knees under a street lamp in front of his house. He’s looking for his keys and the stranger gets down on all fours to help him. After a time, the stranger asks, “Where exactly did you drop them?” “In my house,” comes the reply. Exasperated, the stranger asks, “Then why are you looking out here?” “Because it’s dark in the house”.

The light is better in our conscious minds but we must look for healing in the dark unconscious. The doctor works in the light. He is verbal and logical. The patient’s world may be dark, but there are sources of illumination. Within each of us is a spark. Call it a divine spark if you wiill, but it is there and can light the way to health. There are no incurable diseases, only incurably people.”

This is work in progress for me so I certainly don’t have all the answers, but do share your thoughts. ♥

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Heart meditation #1

The Heart of the Universe

First of all, bring your focus to your heart. Imagine breathing deeply in and out of your heart. This takes the focus down from the mind/intellect, into the body. (If you have suppressed emotions you may find them coming to the surface as you do this – if so, stay with them and allow them to release with love, it might feel difficult at the time but you will feel better for it afterwards. I am often surprised at what emotions come up during these meditations)

Focus on whatever you see as the divine source – God, the Universe, divine energy. Visualise divine love flowing from the source to your heart, filling your heart with joy.

bliss yoga

I found a lovely image for this meditation recently on a website. After focusing on your heart, imagine the night sky, and take a leisurely tour around the heavens: the stars, other planets, comets etc. Use your imagination. Then imagine coming upon the Heart of the Universe – visualise this as you wish. Visualise love and healing energy flowing from the Heart of the Universe to you.

Ahh, bliss!